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Thursday, June 30, 2011

thought provoked by my sister.

While her post was about travels and religion, it provoked my thoughts about Navarre. my incredible sister blog... take a read! She is an incredible woman

Here I dreamed for such a long time.
Planned for just as long.
Spent more money than two new NICE cars.
and I hit a brick wall!

My dream/ relationship all twisted as this horse continues to be sickly, the one genetic issue I had no knowledge of. Yes we are working on a perfect daily schedule for him, and yes we hope to settle him into a perfect world once again. But I worry about him daily, and my heart aches if he doesn't rush out to meet me for feeding time.

My life had been simple, I worked at home, I played at home, and spent all my extra time at the barn on or with my horses. (Thanks to my loving husband)   I now have three jobs instead of one,  just so I can pay his vet bills.

His supplements are not cheap.
His needs are not simple. Time consuming and lots of physical demands on me.

But the absolute pure joy I get when I get to ride him is UNREAL!  It takes me back to being a little girl sitting on my tiny pony and thinking I was on top of the world.  He is a comfortable mount, he has a delight of a personality, and the wind through his mane is like flying through a cloud.

I joked with my Aunt the other day... My grandfather ( PawPaw) would have put this animal down a year or more ago.  So while I am very much like him, I am rather different in some ways as well.   And other horse friends have asked me if he is worth it!

He is ... he is a life I brought into this world and I am responsible for all his care and happiness.  he is worth it!

The journey will just be one a little different than the dream! Slower, a little more aggravating at times, but the journey I was meant to have all the same.

much love to you all.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Vet came over, we did sedate Navarre after all and took care of his dental work.  I was worried about Navarre getting worse again, but the vet is happy he is not as bad as last time, and assures me he is on call this weekend and will run over if necessary.  But... Because I am going out of town we did however take extra measures for making sure Navarre does not decline into a state of issue while I am gone.  We had been putting off medicating my little boy, but this is the perfect time to test our plan.  Muscle relaxers! yeah... after all it is his muscles tightening up that is the issue, so this will allow him a little more relaxation and ease my mind.

I am a little happier about my travel plans down the road... of course AFTER I mortar and pestle his 20 pills a day for my being away, put this powder into the already prepared feed and supplement bags.

My car is FULL of horse stuff I am delivering to a friend that takes in horses and finds them new homes.
I have much work and several appointments while I am gone.  I have yet to pack but clothes and toiletries are two bags  and very little to think of.  Shoes on the other hand are always my down fall.  Oh how I do enjoy looking like a girl every once in a while.  Leaving the overalls at home is a treat!

If you expect time out of my schedule I suggest you make your mark now, as very little time presents itself as open.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

It's my luck!

Navarre is getting worse again, and no it is not just my imagination!  His muscles are tighter, he is NOT running to meet me when I drive up, not fighting to get under or over the fence for grass.  The kid is in pain again!
Vet comes tomorrow, a scheduled appointment, Navarre needs his teeth done, rest of their shots for both of them... and luckily that way the vet will be up to snuff on Navarre for me being out of town in case my girl friend needs to call him.

I've done what I can do!
Now it's up to Navarre to be good, rest and dag nab it... get better!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Is everyone like this?

Its only Monday and I don't leave town till Thursday night, but I am already nervous about leaving my horses.
My husband is home, my friends are feeding and checking on them, BUT I'm all twitchy about trying to get it all together, make it perfect, and make sure Navarre has anything he needs.

I'm not going to be gone that long, I'm not going out of the country! Only down the road... but too far to drive back and forth to feed them all the time.  Vet knows I'm leaving, Hay area full, and feed bags with supplements are done so the only thing one has to do is... pour out a bag of feed, and pour oil over it! Make sure they have hay and water.

I'm just worried and can't get it out of my mind.  This will after all be the first time I'm leaving Navarre sense his last serious episode with his PPSM, or EPSM... which ever you want to call it!

oh well, the nerves are here to stay, may as well deal with it!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Almost scary! a perfect weekend.

A relaxing day... yesterday... horses, prepping their food for my being on the road.  Yes Jerry will be home so there is no worry of my putting this here!   But with Navarre as he is I had to prep all his added goodies that go in his food everyday.

Cleaned the barn.  While this sounds horrible to most, it is relaxing to me.  I love a clean barn, as do my horses, they do not use the barn for excrement if it is clean.  If it is clean there are no flies! which makes life that much nicer!

I took a book outside read a few chapters/ something I rarely have time for these days.
Took a long needed nap. in the sun... no more farmers tan on my back! now I just need to fry my front! ha ha ha...
When out to dinner with my lover...

Back to the barn for two little girls to ride.

And then back home to sleep.

Today I slept late, got up played with the birds, and then left for a morning of nothing but riding alone on the mountain.

 It was perfect! EXCEPT for the bugs.  Bugs are so bad this year I've been learning a few new tricks! like wearing SO MUCH SUN SCREEN on my face they stick to it and not get in my eyes.

  It is the hardest thing to ride a horse and not be able to see.  So sunglasses and MASSIVE amounts of sun screen keep them out of my eyes...   It is HORRIBLE but it works.  Jerry had to take a picture when I got home.  So I am sharing it with everyone else for a good laugh as well.

At any rate I absolutely enjoyed every minute out today.  I finished my second ride about 12noon just before the sun made its worst appearance.   I believe I'll go down town for a walk a little later, I hear the chocolate fetish and the Parisian cafe calling my name as I might just sit eat and people watch!

much love to you all.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Getting older, getting slower.

I SO enjoyed my little experience on Sweetpea the other day, but last night I barely slept... each time I rolled over my hip, my shoulder, and my right knee felt like???? well... such pain it woke me from a dead sleep almost every hour.   I tried to stay on my back, I tried staying on my stomach... but I sleep on my sides and this was just not going to work!

I can only hope the joints get to feeling better soon as I am dying to get back out there and try to take the same route up the mountain just at a little slower pace.  BUT that's what I get for having such young horses... One that jumps out of her skin at her own shadow and the other that... well when he starts to feeling better is likely to throw me several horse lengths when ever he feels like it!

Life ... even with the pain of getting older I'm just not ready to stop any of my passions... I will adapt sooner or later!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I finally got to ride again.

It is funny as we get older how our bodies react to not having enough activity.  My little boy ( Navarre) has been very ill, and with his illness at it's height I was not able to take my mare for a ride either.  So over a month I have been without a ride.

Yesterday I got a short ride in on Navarre, VERY short, and then a well needed RUN for the HILLS type ride on Sweetpea, which nearly killed me.

I sit here in pain NOT from muscle aches but my JOINTS are about to kill me.  My hips, and my shoulders!   I can only imagine it is due to how I sat or pulled Sweetpea off balance during our dump truck episode yesterday.    JOINTS???? Am I really this old?

Back to the beginning with her!  A few rears, twist, snorts, and crazy moments I thought we had gotten past! But a U Haul truck... mid size and a construction waste material truck put her on such an edge AT THE SAME TIME... IN a CURVE...  I had to get off and walk her past them AFTER they had turned off their engines.  I suppose they got the message AFTER the third rear, sliding on assfault with her shoes and ME trying to balance for dear life on a bare back pad.  

 I think I need a new non slip girth! my wool is not cutting it for all the rearing that was going on... I ended up riding in front of the pad on the way DOWN the mountain!

Yes I had on my helmet, but I was in a tiny top (trying to get rid of my farmers tan) ... I just knew there was going to be road rash! but it was avoided...  

What is life without a sudden rush of fear or excitement?

Friday, June 10, 2011


This time I'm cleaning out my horse supplies.

The only two things I am SELLING are two very expensive horse blankets.  I am only asking $25.00 for each of these blankets I paid well over $200.00 for!   Otherwise everything else if free!

SO ... if I have it ... and you want it, just pay shipping and it's yours.

I have TONS of horse leg boots,
I even have great chaps for riders!
I've got a pair of barely worn English boots!
warming throws.
leather halter,  brass breakaway...
what ever you are looking for just ask, I may have it in your size.

I've got pictures... I'll add as the weekend continues but first come first get... so send me an email NOW!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Time Magazine.

While debatable... being of sound body and mind...
I want the world to know this!

Now ... WHAT EVERYONE has to take into consideration when reading this is... I am of an age where I am  settled, I have lived! I am NOT a teenager, 20, or even 30 ... I have no children to worry about! I have no one other than the feelings of my husband to contend with.  THESE FACTORS alone allow me more freedom in my choices about the life I choose to live.

I have discussed with Jerry, my parents, my Aunt who travels a hard road right now, as well as one sister.

An article written on "The Refuseniks"   http://www.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20110613,00.html   

What? Yes Refuse Nicks...  Those of us whom would choose to REFUSE medical treatment for a TERMINAL issue.  

This is an article I think EVERYONE should read for themselves!

It starts out discussing how the medical field see's those of us who would rather suffer with an illness than to treat it in HOPES of battling the issue, are to put it simply NOT STABLE, Depressed, or Simply not well informed of the medical benefits of treatment.

ME? Well I've always been a different character in the novel of life.  I know this; and I know most do not agree with my decisions.   My life is ACTIVE, and while I value life I have certain limitations on what I will accept FOR MYSELF.  I am in NO WAY saying my view should be that of anyone else! I am simply saying I should be allowed to have MY VIEW, MY LIMITATIONS, MY ACCEPTABLE level of life, without the medical field telling me I am wrong, or ill due to my views.

Loose a leg... FINE
Loose an arm ... FINE
Loose an eye... FINE

Loose my mind, my ability to live a simple life alone (if I had to) SORRY but NO THANKS ... I'd rather live out what ever time they try to stamp on my forehead as an expiration date and do what I can with what I have.

I have TWO Aunts... One Maternal, One Paternal BOTH are fighting for their lives TODAY!  While their choices have only secured my thought process developed years ago, it is in no way a major factor of my life theory.

Had I gotten EITHER of their diagnosis... I would have purchased a ticket to Paris, Booked a 4 star hotel, purchased the most beautiful outfit I'd ever seen, eaten till my body could handle no more and lived out the dream of driving along the country side all the way to Ireland, gotten on a horse and dream of life as I ride from castle to castle for at least a month.

Call me crazy! Call me Depressed! Call me what ever you want, but my view of life is something that is lived not something that is a hum drum follow the leader thing from day to day.   It is most certainly NOT the decision to live the last few months of my life being sick and ill from treatments.  If I am going to be sick, allow me to be sick... but provide me with medications that EASE the pain of issues, not add to them in hopes of a turn around.

I work... I work my @$$ off but I work so I can play just as hard.
When I die I do not want regrets, I don't want a "funeral" I want a huge pot luck dinner where people get together and laugh about the stupid things I did!

It was years ago this view was imprinted forever in my mind.  It was the car accident where I no longer looked human, I could no longer talk, the inability to move my neck, head, mouth etc...  My brain today is NOT the same as it was before the accident.  And while I can handle the visual effects of my accident I will forever dream of how gracefully my mind used to process information is the greatest of ease before this day in my life.  While today I make sure I am not over stimulated so not to overwhelm my brain with incoming processes, in days past it didn't matter!  This is a dramatic change!

I MIGHT be able to handle ONE more major accident but more than one would make me a person not related to myself today.  THIS is a life fear for me... this is where I draw the line!  BUT not a line that keeps me from living! I just CHOOSE to live life at full speed every day, and if refusing to hope, is an illness! Then tag me now...

I am a DNR ( do NOT resuscitate) There is no reason! My life is great! My life has been lived the way I wanted to!   May it end another 40 , 50 or even 60 years from now... but when it ends... may it be on MY TERMS!

To each of you... I can only hope YOUR wishes for your life, for your DEATH ( it will come, like it or not) are on YOUR terms... with or without the support of the medical field.

At the end of the article ...
a new Collaboration is in the beginning .. something new for the medical field to accept!  They do NOT always know what is best for every patient.  While we are all general... we are all human... we are NOT all alike!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


I rushed yesterday nonstop!  But for once it all paid off.

I HAD to get help with the hay because it was raining! yes a good little down pour here and there! I was VERY worried and called a trusted helper MIKE.

The only guy he could find to help us was Larry.  Poor Larry had never gotten in hay ( only used it for dog bedding) We gave him the easy task but it was just too much, like me his upper body strength was a little lacking... so I ended up doing 1/2 his job as Mike took up the slack on the other half.

I knew the poor guy would never help us again... AND I knew he would hate me by the end of the day, BUT there is a certain way to load when driving curvy, high grade hills like over here!   So due to the slack, the loose stacking I could only lock in about 43 bails and took 45 the next load.  Normally Mike and I could have added another layer of 19 bails but ... it wasn't worth the risk yesterday!   So we worked from the moment I could get them together till after dark...

Life is amazing when it is dark and storming all around but your hay never gets the slightest drop, I drove VERY slow on the roads that were wet as we chased it too and from the barn more than once.

There is normally another guy that helps Mike and I, but he was working elsewhere and it more than doubled  our work time!   But at least I got help!  As the evening progressed poor Larry was making it worse on himself.  So I showed him how I handle a bail, throwing the last few up in the barn!   You have to learn to use your entire body, if you don't have the arm strength Mike has (which I don't and never will).  Larry stacked the first three tiers of hay and I locked it all in with one of two more layers as Mike drove me around.  I then did all the stacking at the barn as I had them in stacks of 25 but running out of room I needed to add another layer, so I did.  For me it is all about stair stepping it, building it up so I don't kill myself. I do everything like an old man, not a young spry thing I like throwing them up at me!   ha ha ha...

 As I stopped to get them a burger... Poor Larry said... You really know how to humble a man! ? I just looked at him,    ....    I was just out worked by a GIRL!  
 and I said... I just pull my weight Larry!    ...   I just pull my weight!   If you've got animals you have to make sure you take care of them!  Thats all I'm doing!

103 bails 2 weeks ago...
88 bails last night....
Only 178 to go!   I'm getting there! but I'm also running out of room!   You gotta laugh!   I know what I need BUT I don't have the space.

Back to the drawing board!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Short and sweet

I'm in the middle of my task list...
three horses mid day...
My horses mid day...
Hay rest of day..
three and mine... end of day...

I hope with all this I can work off some of my excess weight I collected over winter.?   Yeah... yeah I know we all wish!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

What is up with the FLYs

I am not sure what is going on this year but the flies and the natts are about to kill me!  I came in from cleaning the barn and got THREE bugs in my eyes while washing my face.  They apparently were stuck in my eyelashes or in my sunscreen on my face? not sure but it was a pain!

Every barn I have been to is overwhelmed with knatts? and flies this year.  I have used the feed through for years but it is not working on the flies this year.  Have fly bags, tape and stickers all over the place to help the situation.  I just used TWO bottles of pinesole in the barn to clean it today! I've had it!

usually fly mask are enough, but this year I need the fly sheets for the horses as well.

IF ANYONE has ANY suggestions please pass them on ASAP!  I couldn't work my horses today in peace! bugs bugs and more bugs... Yuck!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


June: names from junius, Latin for the goddess Juno