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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Listening or stubborn?

Last night I was returning a saddle I borrowed from a friend; in doing so he felt I was building up this trip so I couldn't back out.  (And was genuinely worried about my safety. )

He continually said I wasn't listening because I didn't change my mind about going on the trip.  What he didn't realize is... I was listening, I was taking in every word he said, I was also thinking that is probably what my Paw Paw ( Maternal grandfather, and generally the ONLY man who could tell me what to do.)  would have been saying to me.   BUT as with everything else in my life that I didn't think Paw Paw would agree with, or he clearly told me he didn't agree with, AFTER I had done it he would tell me how proud he was of me. 

I know my friend is worried about my safety. 

I am doing all I can to protect myself, BUT I also have to have faith in humanity that people are mostly good, and will want to help me with basics.  I can't go through life worried about every corner I turn. I never do when I am in another country,( although I listen to my gut ) why would I do it in my own country where I know for the most part people are good, loving, and giving people.  Aren't we human? Aren't 

This trip has been on my mind sense I was very young.  I have always wanted to ride a horse on a LONG road trip.  It started as a kid when the wagon train would come through Joelton on their ride of the trail of tears.  When I was very young this occurred once a year, and I was always interested.   Then it became a trip from Family to family, whom are no longer with us... and I no longer live in Joelton...   SO it is still family to family, but now my house to my parents houses and old family home. 

I was listening to my friend, but at some point I also have to listen to my own heart, wishes, desires, and NEEDS.  I need to do this!  I need to know I tried, I need to know I can.  Why is it because I am not so fearful I am not willing to cancel this trip I am not all of a sudden listening to GOD?   Why is it because it comes from inside of me it is not from our higher power?   When did another persons judgement become MORE than mine instead of equal to mine.  And being equal... I am the one that has to live with my choice.  

I could be hurt, I could loose a horse, ANYTHING can happen.  But it can all happen just the same as I am training each day for that ride.  Life is going to happen! Question is Are Your Going to Live it? or are you going to allow others to tell you HOW to live it? 

P.S. Horses got all their shots again today, paper work is good till May, and they look great! We are SET! 

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